long week

Ok. I love my child and I am more than grateful to be able to have 3 whole months off of work to be with him, but today I was having a hard time. I just felt very off kilter. It was actually a pretty good day, but I felt like I just wanted to run away or cry. I think it is hormonal probably though. I also feel like I'm getting a little stir crazy. I did get out yesterday for a lunch date w/ my coworkers, but I still just feel like I spend every waking hour in my house. I am going to work on that though.

Yesterday I met my supervisor and two of my unit members for lunch. It was really nice catching up even though I have seen one of them and talked to the other two fairly regularly. Tony and Seelie could have come with us, but I figured that since Tony goes back to work next week it would be nice for me to get a last chance to get out by myself. Tony was more than willing to keep Seelie at home. Unfortunately, Seelie got upset right after I left and seemed hungry, BUT he refused to take the bottle from Tony the whole time I was gone! I had fed him about an hour before I left and I was gone for 2 hours. So it wasn't too long, but longer than he normally goes without eating. Tony said that he tried everything he could think of. He said that Seelie started fussing and wouldn't eat so he put him in his bouncy seat. He said that he fell asleep in the bouncy seat and slept for about 30 minutes. Tony said that when he woke up he fussed again, but still wouldn't eat. He said that he put him back on his playmat and was able to keep him calm for a little while, then he started fussing again. Tony said that shortly after Seelie began fussing again I came home. I felt so bad for Seelie and Tony. I know that it is frustrating for Tony to not be able to satisfy him. It also upset me because I HAVE to go back to work in a month and he will HAVE to take a bottle. So, it just makes it all that more important that we work on getting him used to being away from me and taking a bottle from someone else. What is weird is that he has taken several bottle in the past without much fuss. I don't know what makes the difference for him. It just broke my heart though.

Yesterday he napped really well during the day though. I don't know if he wore himself out while I was gone or what, but he napped more yesterday than he has in at least a week. I was a little nervous that he would not sleep well last night, but he slept fine. He went down after his 7:45 feeding, then woke at 9:30 to eat again. After that he slept until 4am, ate and then slept again until 7am. After he ate at 7 he was fussy/gassy, so I put him up against my chest and patted him to sleep. Then we slept together in the recliner until about 9. It was a pretty decent night.

He was really calm and good this morning too. After he woke up at 9 he wanted down on his mat and he happily played down there most of the morning. I fed him periodically and put him back down. He really likes to just lay there and bat at his toys and kick his feet. He did not really nap today. He slept on my chest for about 45 minutes around 2pm, but not other than that. He ate at 8:15pm and is currently sleeping in his crib. Not sure if he is down for the night or not though.

I think what happens is that I chill and relax in the mornings when he is chilling, then I want to get moving and do things in the afternoon and that is when Seelie tends to get more needy. Also, Tony goes back to work next week and I think I'm worried about being home alone all day everyday for a month. I am afraid that I will be lonely and completely non productive. He keeps reassuring me that my main focus is supposed to be Seelie and that he does not expect much other than that. I still feel guilty some days that I don't feel like I do anything other than feed Seelie, watch tv, and surf the net. I'm gonna make myself lists starting next week and try to accomplish at least one or two things a day. We'll see.

I'm also going to try to focus on getting out of the house on occasion too. So that we can get used to the routine of going places, but also so that I don't get too stir crazy.

Well, I'd better get in bed. I try to sleep as much as I can during Seelie's first long sleep because that uninterupted sleep means SO much to my sanity!